The tricky thing about reading tarot or people coming to you to learn stuff is you start to think you know shit. You can drink your own kool-aid. And maybe I do know a thing or two. I know what the cards mean, I know that nothing is easier to be objective (or smug)about than someone else’s life, but what do I actually know? What no one really warns you about turning 40 is what you think you know and what you don’t decides to Do-si-do and swap. So I have no clue what I firmly trust as I know this just yet but I assure you I’m puzzling on it all as per usual and that drove me to mull over advice.
Advice is polarizing. Some people love it, others hate it. Someone said unsolicited advice felt like they were being puked on. They’re not alone in that sentiment. I had a situation this past weekend where someone kept bringing up something that had happened to them that was traumatic. It was a tricky situation, the thing being revealed is a BIG thing to bring up casually at Friday Happy Hour wine chat. None of us really understood the assignment. Someone finally caved and….. gave advice. The conversation dissolved into tears and group therapy and I wonder could that have been avoided if she said I don’t want advice I’m just talking? I get why people thought advice was being sought after. The advice given was also to discuss this with a therapist which I think was warranted. I’m not implying she was wrong, or they were right. I’m saying like lots of other things are we in an age where refinement and being clearer about how we engage, willing to be in the nuance if you will would serve us all.
I am slutty with advice and probably always will be. Two things can be true. I mean it from a place to say I see you and don’t want you to feel alone in your thing AND I have to rein it in asking if it’s wanted in this moment.
Advise me plz.
xx. A
Community Ask:
I’m working on episode about overthinking, if you have thoughts on that or perhaps it’s you feel free to send me a note, leave a comment here or if you want to be in the episode leave a message on the speak pipe.
Advice thoughts:
I mean can I talk about advice and not mention Ask Polly?
In general I love advice columns, I love Hola Papi, the Ethicist, Dear Sugar, and Dear Prudence. It’s fascinating to me what people will ask a third party for guidance around especially when anonymity is a factor.
When someone is upset ask this question, I LOVED this article
This article isn’t advice per se but I found it very illuminating especially for how I communicate with my own family. We’re lazy listeners and make assumptions, shocking! jk jk
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