The philosopher Simone Weil said, “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity,” but Simone didn’t know the internet was coming. I think about influencing a lot. Whenever something is very trendy but it makes me feel a bit dead on the inside I ruminate. Why am I outside the norm? What is it about this that is appealing that I’m missing?
Influencing has the same sort of appeal things like addiction can have. It brings the world into sharp focus and blurs out anything that isn’t in support of “the vision.” It’s a way to feel safe navigating the world is my guess. If I do what this person is saying my life will be good, or if I tell people to buy these things I get paid, they benefit we all win. Do we? I think we as a people have good intentions despite a lot of the gnarly shit we encounter daily but are really unable as a culture to look at this false economy we’ve created and then cry we’re victims of with any objectivity? It’s a modern version of supply and demand. We want people who look close enough to societal standards of perfection to tell us how to live and then we’re mad when they’re flawed or I dunno humans. Why did we ever believe the myth to begin with? We’re not mad at them. We’re mad we believed again.
Culturally we love to lift people up and then hate them, we love to tell people what they missed, or forgot while we’re also giving them our precious attention. So much of this feels so methodical and cyclical and yet round and round we go. I wasn’t shocked for example when Lizzo was called out. It felt inevitable. She had been cast too far in the good column, at some point her goodness would have to come into question. It’s just the dance we do now. Lee Tilghman who now writes
but in a former life was Lee From America, knows a thing or two about this cycle.Lee built a massive following and then walked away from it. I don’t know if that’s so unusual people quit stuff or pivot all the time. What I find interesting is her willingness to discuss it. To share the ins and outs of why it affected her mental health, the link between her wellness blog and her eating disorder and what the flood of opinions day in and day out did to her.
I don’t think we’re equipped to have access to so many people saying so much and giving us so much unsolicited feedback. However, I also think the internet has become a medium and it’s a way people are creating art and working things out. Besides the telephone it’s one of the most powerful modern inventions for connection. I’d hate for us to lose access to that just because we can’t find a way to not be goblins. How do we best engage? How do we hold ourselves accountable that this is just some person sharing their experience and vet their advice? How do we prevent ourselves from putting hate out there because we’re safe behind a screen? What part do we play as a public in the internet culture thats been created? How responsible or accountable are influencers to their communities? What is loyalty in the digital age? I don’t know but don’t see it going anywhere as an issue any time soon.
Lee and I don’t solve it today in this episode but I appreciated her once again offering her story up as insight into it all.
xx. A
I’m working on a new project and I would love your help. Tell me what you love. I’m looking to hear about personal, idiosyncratic loves, less a given such as I love my family, children, partner, pet type stuff and more there’s a candy I can only get in Mexico and I dream about it. I want to know what you specifically, enthusiastically love.
Let me know if these examples are helpful, or feel free to leave me a voice message telling me what you love.
Examples:
Amazing you love The Simpsons (or whatever show), what episode solidified it for you?
Do you have a nostalgia snack?
Do you have a lipstick/perfume/scent you’ve been wearing or taking sniffs of since middle school?
Is there an artist you love, but a particular work that really pushed you over the edge solidifying the love affair?
A book that changed your life?
Did you really really really love a specific member of your family? I know I said no family but I mean this like did you intensely love a wacky Great Aunt who shaped you in some way?
Truly it can be anything but ideally I could see it, watch it, eat it or be able to find out more about it.
Ep. 88 Being Online with Lee Tilghman