You know what’s annoying about just about everything? Just when you think you’re safe and sound and are comforting yourself like oh I’m flawed but at least I’m not co-dependent you learn something and realize SURPRISE SMUG SALLY you tooooooo can dabble in the co-dependent arts.
Co-dependency like perfectionism are words that get thrown around a lot but seem to be losing meaning, or becoming ways to say something without saying anything. Empty self identifiers. When Heidi approached me about coming on to discuss co-dependency what made me really excited was the definition she and Deborah Bagg were working off of in their own work exploring it. They define it, as a…"pattern of needing to be controlled and/or needing to control a relationship in order to feel safe.”
Love that. Cuts through the fat of the matter. Just like I loved the definition I loved getting to talk with Heidi and Deborah about it. Hope you enjoy it too!
xx. A
P.S. Happy Valentines Day!
What Heidi + Deborah are into right now:
Well, I just moved back to my homeland of South Africa after 21 years of being in the US. I now live under Table Mountain and Lion’s Head as opposed to the Catskill mountains and Sawkill river in Upstate New York.
I am in the throws of transitions. What do you do when you feel disoriented, discombobulated, and a little out to sea from change? Here is what I am doing.
Every morning I make coffee with cream and go sit outside and Look UP at the mountains. I take some deep breaths. 1...2...3...4 hold breathe out 4....3....2...1.. hold and again and again. I do this until I feel more "togethered" in my body and spirit.
I cry. I believe in tears. I have a lot of them in me. Heidi told me to get this book, which I still need to do, but I recommend it, even before I read it. Cause you, know, you can judge a book by its cover sometimes. The Crying Book
I move. I put on a few songs that get me to boogie, sway, wiggle and bounce. At the moment the song My Joy Is Heavy by the Bengsons is my jam.
I cook. I am still figuring out my kitchen. But cooking Chicken, Potatoes and Salads are the way to my grounded feet. I smell the spices, like Dukkha and Sumac and Zaatar, and remember my grandmother, who I never met, doing the same cooking for her family with love and devotion.
I dream. My dream life is my go-to place to process my unconscious. When I wake up, I don't move or open my eyes, I stay in bed, and try to remember all the details, and then let the images wash over me throughout my day. My other self, speaks to me through images and feelings.
I text and call. Friends are my lifejacket.
I work. I am a Somatic Psychotherapist. My practice gives me purpose and meaning. I teach Yoga, the other love of my life. My platform is called loveisjuniper and we transcend time and space in the zoom room. I hope you can join us, if you like.
Right now, I’m working on my second book, and researching prayer in antiquity. Digging into Daughters of Isis: Women of Ancient Egypt by Joyce Tyldesley, for inspiration.
More for pleasure, and until I can personally visit Charleston Farmhouse, I’m immersing myself in the imagery of The Bloomsbury Look, by Wendy Hitchmough. Dorothy Parker said of the Bloomsbury Group that “they lived in squares, painted in circles, and loved in triangles.” What a sass pot that Dotty was.
It’s winter, so I’m upping my intake of mushrooms, especially Reishi. Plants are so smart, they work in numerous and intelligent ways. Reishi lifts the mood, focuses the mind, and keeps the winter bugs away. I add it dried (Flower Power always has it in stock) to my bone broths or as a powder in my morning coffee.
I’ve been especially drawn to the Environmental Essence set by Alaskan Essences lately. Environmental essences are similar to flower essences, but work by harnessing the energetic signature of a physical place. This set features a heavy focus on the water element, like Glacier River (releasing rigidity) and Polar Ice (pure presence).
I have two adopted sister cats, Mookie and Nou Nou, and they basically stalk me for snuggles. So, if I have spare time during the day we’ll lie on the Biomat together with their favorite blanket and co-regulate our nervous systems.
Walkabouts are helpful for my mind and body. I will meet a friend for chai at Bittersweet. They make their own almond milk! And stroll around Fort Greene Park.
If you love psychedelic jazz in the style of Alice Coletrane like me, you will love the new album by Matthew Halsall. Fridays are my more open, free-form day and I will walk around in wonder to this dreamy record.
Candles are really important to me in the winter and I always light one when I pray. When Deborah and I had Spirit Shop, we carried beautiful bee-friendly beeswax candles by Honey. Such a sweet, warm light. And for a bit of a splurge, Diptyque Feu de Bois smells like an inviting, sensual fire.
You can read more about me and my practice at moonandbloom.com.
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